Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We're too hungover to prance.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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