At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
