i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
