It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
