Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I need to stop coming to work sober
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
