I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
