Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
