don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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