At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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