does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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