I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
