nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
