Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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