So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
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She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
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IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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