Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
