Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
