I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
