I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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