Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Houston, we have a squirter
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
