so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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