I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My feet surprised me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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