she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
