you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
