how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
