Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
