I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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