I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
