i think my tv is drunk
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
