That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
