Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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