Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
