Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My ass is underappreciated
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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