the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
this will be a night to untag.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
