it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
