she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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