He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
