I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
