You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
