i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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