Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
