Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
