I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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