Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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