Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
