I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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