Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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