Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I met the friendliest cop last night
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize