my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
