do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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