Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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