hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
