I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
