Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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