im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
