So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
