Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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