So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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