Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
