No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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