Im at strip club and am horny
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
