you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
