Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
