I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
