I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
