Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
