she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
