the condom got lost in my hair
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
